Layers

This week has been one of the most monumental weeks of my life, but I'm afraid I won't even be able to capture it in words. It's too late to write anyway, but I cannot allow myself to sleep without at least attempting to express what is and has been going on in my simple little being.

The Lord is revealing to me His power and His magnitude. It seems I must have written this before, possibly over and over again, but how tiny do I make the God who is Creator! I box Him up in my simple mind, never allowing Him to become larger than my capability to comprehend. After all, if I can't comprehend Him, I am relieved of my control, and if I am relieved of my control, I am no longer my own god.

Oh.

Is that what this has been all about? And I am sent reeling. Yes, yes... the haze is clearing from my sleepy mind. The pain arrives, quickening my senses. Reality strikes, and a dull ache sets in. The horrifying fact that my sin is not simply a series of actions and behaviors I can change is glaring at me, staring me down with beady eyes. I've seen these eyes before, and they speak a thick cloud of condemnation over me without saying a word. I am sinking.

Psalm 73:21-23
When my heart was grieved
and my spirit embittered,
I was senseless and ignorant;
I was a brute beast before you.
Yet I am always with you;
you hold me by my right hand.

2 Peter 1:3-4
His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness. Through these he has given us his very great and precious promises, so that through them you may participate in the divine nature and escape the corruption in the world caused by evil desires.

The Lord God, our God is bigger than we know. His arms stretch out past eternity, and His glory is eternal. He has given us good and perfect gifts. His mercies are new every morning. He has promised to deliver us from our sin. He became a man so that He Himself might become our sin. The Lord God, our God is bigger than I realize.

It's really late now, and my eyes are closing, so that's all I'm going to write. I don't even know if any of it flows or not, but I just had the urge to write about what God is doing.